The Happy Unalive Party

Horns blared from the speakers as Nathan lowered the volume of his Kenwood amplifier which by this time, had become vintage. The record he chose to kick the night off was one of the earliest records he ever saw spinning, his Mother Patty's "dip-trip-dip-fantasia". 'Doogy-woogy Bop, funky, funky. I wanna get ahead now- -Wait, wait a minute-' You know the one I'm sure. That would spin and my Mom would dance in her swivel chair. Putting her arms up in front of her with cat-like paw hands with a cute sass with a little side-to-side shuffle. She was pony stepping, seated. She would make a little 'jyoo-jyoo' sound with pursed lips. It either was 'choo-choo' softened or 'shew-shew' hardened. You decide. Let's ride. So Mamma could dance afterall. I guess that's a good memory. However smudged with other things it is. People would start to arrive within the moment, he wanted to make everything just so. Our little virgo-rising.

The first guest, typically is the worst guess, unless it's your best friend or your brother Jacob. Jacob's gone and he's never coming through that door. Hey it's Erica, of course it's Erica.

Erica stepped through the portal after opening the door.

She frowned.

"You know I don't like this Nathan".

"You promised you'd be supportive. That's the only rule."

She looked upwards towards heaven, borrowing a few tears from the clouds she looked down and said to him, "Ok." Regretting every fucking moment. Every one of them. She hated that she loved him. This fucking scumbag worthless sack of shilt. Like silk that is covered in shit.

"I brought all the dill pickle chips I could find. I know you like them", she said, lowering her intolerance of him just slightly."

"Thank you Erica, that's awesome. Look, while we're here just us, could you tell me about your favorite thing about life?"

She looked at him, waiting for the microwave that somehow activated inside her. It would take ten more seconds for her to say-

The front door opened. It was the guys! Wally and Howard and Pahn! Nathan jolted for the door. They all embraced Nathan, hugging him from each side.

Inside the huddle, Pahn said, "Happy unalive party bro".

Howard said, "You sure you want to go through with this?"

Nathan nodded and smiled confidently.

Wally was angry, he was going along with the charade because he knew he had to. It was his only way to see Nathan one last time. This was fucking the stupidest god-damned thing he had ever heard of. An 'unalive party'. You gotta be fucking kidding me. This was supposed to be acceptable? No! To kill yourself is not right. It's chicken shit. It's not right, life is to endure the pain, learn from it. Right?

Wally said, "Look man, why don't we just all hang out more, spend time together more frequently, call more often. Why can't that be the solution?"

"Thanks for coming guys, it means a lot. I know you must not be completely bought into this but I really do think it's for the best... For me. I'm gonna do a quick presentation in a little bit that I think will just help explain whatever there is to explain. It's at least an honest attempt to communicate."

They all looked at him as if he were the bravest dumbass there ever was...

Behind them were Nayeeko and Cwaie, two new friends Nathan had met in the unalive awareness group, UWAG, that Nathan was going to no longer be a member of. Last in. First out. That's sort of the point of the organization, that no matter where you are on your journey with self destruction, it is your right to choose when and how to self destruct. There's no better terminology as far as UWAG's concerned. Self destruction is exactly what it is. Radical honesty is their approach and they feel the more transparent everyone is with their journey, the more people can connect and heal through shared experience. They believe everyone enrolled in their program is in "Remission" a state of acceptance and understanding. All of this is in the quick presentation but we're not there yet. Nayeeko and Cwaie weren't dating but they were joined at the hip. Figuritively. Although they do sometimes share a shawl. They came to play music towards the end of the night. To help with the community saience that would connect everyone who came together in hive mind, absorbing Nathan's essence, his qualities, his aura. He would give to them silent conscription, and believe in everyone's very best self.

The record quit it's spin and Nathan took off the single. He grabbed one of his very first records he was given by Jacob, long before Jacob self destructed. At that time though, everyone still called it suicide. Well they couldn't call it suicide anymore. Social media took that away, when releasing every other type of content there is, except saying things that really mattered like "Domestic Abuse" or "Rape" or "Suicide". We can talk of other inflictions of life with such carefree loquaciousness, yet when it comes to these really important realities, we somehow shut down the gates of connection, leaving everyone stranded in their moore, stuck in an eddie, spinning tirelessly into a tube of self sensational loathing isolationism. Nathan was spinning for many years. Treading water, like a maniac, just to keep breathing. It was all part of the presentation.

Darla, Nathan's ex-girlfriend came. That made him happy that she was here. She looked at him, raised an eyebrow in that funny way of hers, then released it and came hugging full smile. Nathan caught her as she jumped in his arms like before. They fit together, just snuggin. Fully snugged. She looked up at him.

"Hey you big dumb-dumb".

"Hey plumbs".

"You know you are my favorite idiot. Like, you know that right."

"I do now. And thank goodness because if there was anything I ever wanted you to see about me is that I'm the goofiest of goofs."

"Yeah, you sure are. My little goofy-diva."

"Oh, you don't think I'm going to go through with this."

"No, I don't. But I'm here for it. And I'm here for you. And I see the little gamey way you've created a siphon of love to boost you back into existence. I see the construction is all I'm trying to say". She said that is if she had a slurpee in one hand ready to flick the tip of the straw at me. She did not have one of those but it still kinda splattered into my face a little.

"Ok, well, you can think what you want. I'm just happ you're here. Thank you for coming".

"You're welcome."

"I'm gonna give a little presentation-"

"- Of course you are-"

"-in a minute or two. So just, get something to eat. There's bomb-ass tuna".

"Yeah, I see the tuna. Alright, love you kid."

"Love you too".

*This is a snippet of a story...