Limited sleep makes me a touch off balance, slightly out of key. It puts me in a state of acceptance. Errors will occur. Thats what you get. Sleep or not, swimming started the day. In the grey of the ocean, the deep blue cool pocket of water gave me comfort, although I could barely make out the shore in the dense fog, the layers of blue made me feel safe, cooled. But then like a second later I think of a shark and then the moment loses it's sanctuary. They oft come from below.
I swam with a touch of Olympic inspiration. Although my left ear was mostly clogged from the various remedies I drip into it, it seems like my left ear is beginning to close up. This is something that swimmers have to reconcile and I don't know if I can. Music is a key ingredient to my enjoyment of life. Listening to it. Playing it. Singing it. Vibrating with it. Dancing in it. Like surfing a big beautiful open faced wave that is throwing you through a time shattering capsul of fun, of focus, of existence. Music helps with that and I love music. This is why I stopped being a Wedding DJ. Despit the ear plugs, all the heavy lifting really sucked and clients ended up divorcing and calling me to do their next wedding and it sorta took the amour out of each spectacle. Judgment became an obsession and I'd obsess about who the Bride was secretly fucking and who the Groom had already fucked and who he'd wind up sleeping with. Turns out the phony malice I make up is way less scary than the realities. When everyone looks their very very best, it's hard to see them at their absolute worst. Funny how poverty affects our psyche. How we see other people. Or myabe it's just me... I'm beginning not to know anymore. If my perceived relevancy to society is fading and blurring into it's own thing which looks something like extraordinarily lonely. Which was the goal so who's to complain... So I swam hard this morning, preparing my night of friendship ahead with Mike, and Tyler, and Jack Daniels, I knew I'd need to earn my keep freshlay-in-ta-marnin. We didn't sleep. How could anyone get sleep in this condition, smitten condition. I swam harder, out of balance and grateful to not give a shit. I got no sleep and I was happy about it. She left me with a pain du chocolate as a sub-in for Rugala. My lips grew three times as wide as I stretched my mouth around the whole ass of that chocolate croissant, and took an indulgent bite. It had to be the best chocolate croissant I've ever had, given to me by one of the very sweetest of bakers.
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